yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize