i already hear my dad disowning me
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
