Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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