if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
