they need to just BURY HIM!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
