There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
