I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
