I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
