The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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