you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
