We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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