This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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