perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
