whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
of course. lets lasso hookers.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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