I haven't been this sober since birth.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dicks are not precious.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
