i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
