she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
