great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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