It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
