he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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