you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
