As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
