Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
