I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
only you would photoshop your dick
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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