I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
