Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize