This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
