WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
