I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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