So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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