Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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