Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
