I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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