Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
