I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize