her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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