im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
