I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
