Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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