Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
