Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i think i just lost a toe
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
