If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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