Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
