The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize