He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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