OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
