that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
