So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
