I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize