Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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