Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
