I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
