Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
