Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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