i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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