first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
