We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
