I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize