Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i would punch a child for taco bell
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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