I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
