I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
