if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
